Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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