I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
