Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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