Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
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