well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
