you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
