Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
