I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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