Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
