the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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