Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
