some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
