Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
