jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
