Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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