you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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