i just wanna soil my oats bro
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
