We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
