its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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