ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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