i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Acid is not a monday night drug
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
