i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
