walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
