so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
