Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
