At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
