I'm going to jail i love you
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
