Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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