Pregnant stripper...not hot.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
