This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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