Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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