I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
