dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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