As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
