Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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