and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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