we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
