Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
