he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I love how my cats smell like pot.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
