i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
