I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
