yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
