Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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