Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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