is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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