Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
