I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Why can't burritos get me drunk
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
