You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Even my vagina gasped.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
