I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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