I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
