what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
