She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
