I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
