i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
