so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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