bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
