So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
