We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
